What do I do?

So I know in my last post I wrote about how most people in university just go out and try to get laid whenever possible, so I probably already know the answer to my problem. However, I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. I have been single for a little while now and while I’m not desperate to jump into a relationship, I have been feeling quite alone lately.

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Two of my flatmates are in relationships and the rest are boys, and yes you probably guessed it, they are obsessed with going out, pulling and talking to girls online in order for them to have sex. I have honestly never felt so alone in my life. This leads me to wonder what it would be like to be in a relationship again (there is a reason to why I haven’t wanted to be in a relationship but that is a whole other story). So after having this thought, I thought I’d put myself out there and actually try to meet someone. This hasn’t worked out the way I hoped for. Everyone I have met has only wanted just one thing from me and I hate it.

I honestly don’t think I am bad looking, yes I don’t have an amazing figure but I’m not ugly or bad looking at all. So why do I find it so hard to meet somebody who wants to go out on dates or just hang out together? I always feel like, when I meet a guy, I am trying so hard to get to know them and see if it could lead to something but all they ever want is sex and that’s just not what I want right now.

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I make my friends believe that I am fine with being single and it doesn’t bother me but it really does. Even if I don’t go into a relationship, I just want to find someone who I can call whenever I feel like talking, someone who will actually listen to me when I’m feeling down. Someone who wants to spend time with me and not just for sexual favours, someone who would quite happily hang out and watch a movie sometime. I know I’m probably coming across as pathetic but in my past, I have lead guys to believe that after a random night, there might be something more when I know I will never speak to them again and because of this I feel like karma has finally come back around and kicked my arse for it.

At this moment in time, I feel like I am going to grow old and never find someone I truly want to be with, leaving me to be alone forever. Stupid, I know but I honestly don’t know what to think anymore.

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I’m sorry for another depressing post but was having a moment about my lonely, single life and needed to rant a little bit. What can I say, apparently I am a very sad person at the moment in need of a little advice.

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Student Living.

Being in University has been one of those experiences that I will never regret being a part of. I have met some awesome people who I love to bits, I have been able to study something which I dream of having a career in and I have been able to drink so much alcohol without anyone judging me for it.

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However all the students, past and current, will understand when I say it is hard living as a student and I am going to tell you why…

1) NEVER HAVING ANY MONEY.

Most people think that all students ever do if spend every single penny they own on booze….and clubbing. That may be the case in half of the student population in university, it is not, however, true for the other half. There are bills to pay, food to buy and the never ending need to purchase textbooks, which seriously cost the same amount as most peoples weekly wage. This leads up to most students never getting the chance to go out clubbing with all their friends every weekend or being able to go out to nandos for dinner due to the fact they had to buy that textbook their lecture told them was so very important. I have used that textbook once, it cost me £70. 

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2) Studying.

So people should understand that going to university will obviously include writing essays and studying for end of semester exams…all of which will result in a final degree that leads to a career. What people fail to tell you is how much work is actually needed to be done to retrieve this. I currently have had to do essay assignments, study for 2 50/60% exams and 1 3000 word portfolio in my first year of university…and let me tell you, one year is not nearly enough time to get all this done whilst also making sure I have time to make sure I am not going crazy! I honestly don’t know how I’m going to cope with the work load next year or in my third year.

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3) Flatmates.

I was pretty lucky with my flatmates, well all apart from one. She is the biggest bitch I have ever met and I know every group of people has one. They are the type of person who complain about noise at 8.30pm or whine about someone forgetting to wash a fork in an empty sink. Nobody in the flat actually likes her but we pretend and be civil around her as we don’t want to cause friction within the flat. These types of people however like to think that they are always right and that everyone they meet likes them instantly when pretty much that is always the opposite to how it is. But you can’t tell them that, you have to live with this person for a whole year so you pretty much suck it up and slag the bitch off behind her back. Sounds mean, but everyone does it.

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4) Relationships

In university, well in British universities, boys seem to think this is their time to shine. Going out, pulling drunken girls and becoming the ultimate player by sleeping with as many easy lasses as possible. There are girls around university who have also decided this is their chance to bring out their sluttier side and shag any guy with a pulse. I’m not saying this is a bad thing, I am single and have had a couple of random drunken nights that I probably will regret in a few years time. My point is, I just don’t understand why people in university can only think of sex and nothing more. Some of my friends, before nights out, plan strategies on how to pull girls and guys or how many people they want to ‘get off with’ by the end of the night. This to me is such a waste of time and sometimes really bugs the shit out of me. Why can’t you just go out with friends and have a good time? And whatever happens on that night out, just let it happen. If you pull, great! But if not, it’s really not the end of the world. To all the people out there who attend university, I have just one piece of advice to give you…

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5) Home sickness.

Some students, like myself, have moved very far away from home to attend university and yes, sometimes it is very hard to be away from family and friends back home. It is especially hard when you cant afford to go home every weekend and the only opportunity is going home in the holidays, which is every 12 weeks. I find it very expensive to go home so yeah, I can only go home for the holidays which, apart from summer, only equals to seeing family and friends for about 2-3 weeks. When you have lived your whole life at home, surrounded buy the people you love and who are familiar to you, it can be very hard to get used to them not being around. It is also very hard for them to come visit you, due to work and again, not being able to afford it. This puts, in my opinion, a huge downer on the student/university experience when all you can think about is missing out on birthdays and special occasions involving your family and friends. Its also hard when you constantly miss seeing them all the time too.

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This, to me, is probably the only things about university that really do suck. Apart from all this, student life is great and I would very much advice people to go, as long as you stay close to home, have a rich family member fund you at all times, have no social life in order to study and get good grades, are single and okay with just receiving sex every so often and are able to deal with that one annoying flatmate. Good luck for the future kids, I’m sure you’s will love it.

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Things get better, right?

Now I’m not very good at this whole blog thing however, I needed some way to express my feelings instead of bottling them all up inside of me till the feeling of explosion gets too much. So here it goes, I guess…

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Ever had the feeling that things are just getting too much? To the point where everything that is happening in your life just doesn’t seem worth it any more? That’s how I’m currently feeling, and have been for several weeks now. I’m in University and I know I’m probably not the only person feeling like this but feeling like this all the time is just becoming way to much. I cry a lot and sometimes don’t want to leave my bed.

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However, there are days where I get out of bed and attend classes. Days where I feel like the day isn’t that bad and the world isn’t out to get me and make me miserable. Days like this make me think “It must get better, right?” Life can’t be this hard and miserable so maybe I just need to wait for it to be my turn to be happy. The future holds no limits apparently and my life is what I make it, according to my flatmate anyway.

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If that’s the case, then life must, in fact, get better. I’ll finish University and have a degree for a career I hope I love, I’ll meet a boy who likes me for me and maybe even experience the kind of love you only ever see in books. I’ll grow up knowing, everything will be okay. 

So with this in mind, I will apologise for such a depressing first post but I think this experience has definitely helped me get one of the many problems off my chest. I’m sure there will be many posts in the future, expressing my questions about the ‘meaning of life’ but for now, let’s hope for everyone out there realises, like me, that the universe doesn’t hate you and things will get better.

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