What do I do?

So I know in my last post I wrote about how most people in university just go out and try to get laid whenever possible, so I probably already know the answer to my problem. However, I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. I have been single for a little while now and while I’m not desperate to jump into a relationship, I have been feeling quite alone lately.

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Two of my flatmates are in relationships and the rest are boys, and yes you probably guessed it, they are obsessed with going out, pulling and talking to girls online in order for them to have sex. I have honestly never felt so alone in my life. This leads me to wonder what it would be like to be in a relationship again (there is a reason to why I haven’t wanted to be in a relationship but that is a whole other story). So after having this thought, I thought I’d put myself out there and actually try to meet someone. This hasn’t worked out the way I hoped for. Everyone I have met has only wanted just one thing from me and I hate it.

I honestly don’t think I am bad looking, yes I don’t have an amazing figure but I’m not ugly or bad looking at all. So why do I find it so hard to meet somebody who wants to go out on dates or just hang out together? I always feel like, when I meet a guy, I am trying so hard to get to know them and see if it could lead to something but all they ever want is sex and that’s just not what I want right now.

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I make my friends believe that I am fine with being single and it doesn’t bother me but it really does. Even if I don’t go into a relationship, I just want to find someone who I can call whenever I feel like talking, someone who will actually listen to me when I’m feeling down. Someone who wants to spend time with me and not just for sexual favours, someone who would quite happily hang out and watch a movie sometime. I know I’m probably coming across as pathetic but in my past, I have lead guys to believe that after a random night, there might be something more when I know I will never speak to them again and because of this I feel like karma has finally come back around and kicked my arse for it.

At this moment in time, I feel like I am going to grow old and never find someone I truly want to be with, leaving me to be alone forever. Stupid, I know but I honestly don’t know what to think anymore.

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I’m sorry for another depressing post but was having a moment about my lonely, single life and needed to rant a little bit. What can I say, apparently I am a very sad person at the moment in need of a little advice.

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Things get better, right?

Now I’m not very good at this whole blog thing however, I needed some way to express my feelings instead of bottling them all up inside of me till the feeling of explosion gets too much. So here it goes, I guess…

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Ever had the feeling that things are just getting too much? To the point where everything that is happening in your life just doesn’t seem worth it any more? That’s how I’m currently feeling, and have been for several weeks now. I’m in University and I know I’m probably not the only person feeling like this but feeling like this all the time is just becoming way to much. I cry a lot and sometimes don’t want to leave my bed.

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However, there are days where I get out of bed and attend classes. Days where I feel like the day isn’t that bad and the world isn’t out to get me and make me miserable. Days like this make me think “It must get better, right?” Life can’t be this hard and miserable so maybe I just need to wait for it to be my turn to be happy. The future holds no limits apparently and my life is what I make it, according to my flatmate anyway.

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If that’s the case, then life must, in fact, get better. I’ll finish University and have a degree for a career I hope I love, I’ll meet a boy who likes me for me and maybe even experience the kind of love you only ever see in books. I’ll grow up knowing, everything will be okay. 

So with this in mind, I will apologise for such a depressing first post but I think this experience has definitely helped me get one of the many problems off my chest. I’m sure there will be many posts in the future, expressing my questions about the ‘meaning of life’ but for now, let’s hope for everyone out there realises, like me, that the universe doesn’t hate you and things will get better.

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